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Toady we played a "Taboo"-sort of game with my 2nd grade. One of the words they had to discribe was "mother." The way my student Daisuke described the word was right on the mark, but probably not in America. He said, "She is cooking all day. She is cooking everyday." I suspect that is on the mark for Japan. (For those of you who don't know, Japan is a male-oriented society. Many women quit their jobs after they marry. Probably most women quit once they have children. There pretty much is no daycare available in Japan. Grandma and grandpa are the babysitters, so you better live really close. So most women stay home to take care of the family. But even if the wife works, in general, she is expected to also take care of the house. This includes always having food ready when the husband (and children) want it. Though this is a generalization, this is the overall theme I get from the TV, media, discussions with co-workers, etc.). Keeping with the family subject, let me tell you about hostess bars. Hostess bars are places where salarymen flock after a hard day at the office. They might go with co-workers or friends, for business parties or pleasure. At any rate, these are staffed by foreign women, mainly from poorer Asian countries. They make their money by sitting next to you and encouraging you to drink. This is done by drinking with you, talking, and flirting. The relationship can be left at "harmless" conversations and flirting, or it may progress. These hostesses make a commision from the drinks the man buys and if he comes in again and even more if he requests the hostess. Some of the hostesses choose to "date" the jyoren (regular customers). My student came in tonight saying he wanted to tell me a funny story about his friend. Apparently he has a friend who has the ideal family: a devoted and beautiful wife, and 3 lovely daughters. They had been happily married for 10 years. But my student took his friend to a hostess bar, and to his surprise, his friend really enjoyed it and soon became a regular customer. He soon began dating a Brazilian girl. Then he moved on to a Russian girl. He said that he still loved his wife, but that intellectual men should take interest in foriegn and exotic things. So he dated these two women. He bought them gifts, took them out, and even paid a $500 cell phone bill of the Brazilian girl's. So my student and I discussed the differences in the Christian based/Western idea of marriage versus the Japanese. Conclusion: They are very different. He said that all of his married friends have girlfriends on the side. It is an underground accepted part of Japanese culture. And for all of you lucky folks who are coming to Japan, you'll have to stop in my town to experience this side of Japan, first hand. I've heard rumors, and my student confirmed that Ota is a mecca of these hostess bars. He said there are about 40 Korean bars, and about 20 or so other foreign hostess bars. It will only cost you about 10,000 yen to get in. What a bargain! I'd be interested to hear your opinions on this subject. Valerie Straayer |